How To Be More Positive and Happy

Sunday, 14 April 2019

how to be more positive
How to be more positive and happy | 2019

So you want to know how to be more positive and happy? I'm pretty sure that (although I tend to avoid doing so) I can make a pretty sweeping comment here that all of us want to be happy. Granted, different things make people happy in different ways, but the vast majority of humans want to be happy in their lives. Some people are naturally quite positive, while others need to actively work on it. Others are in unfortunate circumstances which make happiness somewhat difficult. I have definitely had a period of time where I was a negative person and a period of time where pretty much everything around me was going wrong. However, overall I'd say I am a pretty positive person and I am a happy person. Of course we all of down times and times where we are stressed, but if we are keeping it general, I'm a pretty positive person (with a bit of an edge, like Phoebe).

There are definitely times where it takes effort to be happy or positive. This post is pretty much what I do when I am feeling negative or feeling sad etc and how I manage that. This might not work for everyone, but it may work for someone. 

Who is around you?

If you find that there are certain people who continuously dwell on things, who see the bad in everything or who maybe just bring out the worst in yourself; think about whether they are someone you should be around. I'm not saying just cut anyone out who sometimes is sad, not at all. However, I have been in relationships where the other person continuously made me feel horrible, like a bad person, like everything I did was wrong etc. There is absolutely no reason you need to stay in that situation. I guess what I am saying is evaluate your friendships, your relationships or even your colleagues. Minimise the amount of negative people in your life. Look for those who are positive and bring out the best in you. This is likely to change the older you get. There are some situations that are more difficult than others, some you might not be able to cut all contact from (speaking from experience here), but it doesn't mean you have to take on their negative behaviour and let it impact your life. Keep it as far away as you can. If you feel it impacting you, have a rant to someone who understands, then let it go. Holding on to their bad energy just taints yours.

Baring this in mind. Surround yourself with positive people. I have gone from a string of toxic relationships to an incredibly calm and positive one. Someone who shares the (majority) of my beliefs, always see's the positive (he will never rant with me, have to rely on the girls for that) and goes out of his way to just be a good person. I don't have a huge group of friends, but the ones I have I truly appreciate. 

Find your form of spirituality

Yes, I just went full blown hippy on you. But let me explain first. I am not religious. I'm not sure if I am even 'spiritual' in the typical sense. But I do believe in positive thinking and the law of attraction etc. I think the older I get, the more spiritual or 'hippy' I become. I know most people laugh at things like this, but I don't see an issue with people finding things to believe that give them peace. This doesn't have to be a god, or a crystal etc but it can even just be finding 10 minutes to mediate or 'shut your brain off' to find total calm. I've recently started working meditation into my life. I always laughed at the concept and dismissed it, but honestly, silencing your thoughts for 10 minutes is great. It's like resetting your iPhone after it's been saying storage full for the last 4 weeks. I used Youtube videos as well as the app Headspace to do this. I needed guidance, it's not something I'd really done before. But from a former cynic, I would recommend it.

Do what makes you happy

Well duh? But, what I mean is, think of the little things that cheer you up. The last couple months have been personally quite difficult for me. There have been multiple different personal issues that then inevitably impact on other areas, such as work and university (which are stressful in themselves). After having what could be considered a mild breakdown, I knew I needed to re-evaluate. I was going to stay in for my birthday because of the amount of deadlines I had, I was going to not see friends because I felt down etc. Instead, I arranged a birthday party with my friends I've known since year 7. It was amazing. It also weirdly feels like the group is closer than ever. I have very little money and keep focusing on that in regards to being a parent. But instead of beating myself up about it, I arranged to just go to the duck pond with my daughter and friends. It was such a pretty day and it was just so relaxing and positive. I think all of us felt it. To quote Chloe, 'I am having the best week ever guys'. You don't need to have money or even be in a good place to try and implement a little bit of happiness. 

Realise you can't change others

Like I previously said, some people are negative. They almost get their happiness through being negative. If someone is quite obviously being intentionally horrible or rude etc, that says a lot more about them than you. You can't change them. But you can decide whether you let their actions impact you the way they want them to. I've really had to focus on this recently and realise that some people find it easier to project their own issues on to others as a way to cope. This is probably the hardest thing to accept as theres only so much you can do (eg. asking them to bloody well stop) but ultimately, people do what they want. I just now focus on myself and be happy with myself. It then makes it a lot easier to disregard other peoples negative behaviour. 

Be grateful

I totally understand what it is like to be in a horrible situation. I have had an awful family trauma. I have been so completely sad I've cried for days. I've been in an awful relationship (more than once). I have been beyond stressed. I was single throughout my pregnancy (through choice but it still isn't easy). However... I also have a home. I have a small but wonderful family. I have the funniest, cutest daughter. I have the greatest friends. I have the best boyfriend. I have a job. I am educated. There is always something to be grateful for. My car broke down recently at somewhat of a rubbish time (kicked whilst already down phrase springs to mind) and I cried at the side of the motorway. I had to pay £400 to fix the bleeding thing. However, I should of paid a lot more. I finally have my car back (my daughter needs to be looked after and I work in a different city so not having a car is a pain in the arse). No it wasn't ideal, yes I was annoyed... but ultimately I just had to laugh about how ridiculous my life was at that point. Basically, just find a positive, even the smallest one.

Are you being an arse?

None of us are perfect. Humans have a really bad habit of being judgemental. I actively worked on this a few years ago. As soon as I think something sh***y about someone, I follow it by 'what did you even gain by thinking that'. If you look at someone and go 'ha, look at them, what are they wearing' and laugh with your mates about it... what did you gain by that? A temporary laugh but you've ultimately made yourself look like an ass and that person would feel terrible if they knew. I always just think of the bullies in school. Sure they had mates. But those people were mates with them purely so they didn't get bullied too, not because they actively wanted to be around that person. As an outsider, you didn't judge the person getting bullied. You thought the bully was a terrible person. I've definitely made some poor decisions and done things I wish I hadn't (mainly in my drunken university days), nobody is perfect. But actively trying to be a good person means that you will put out 'good vibes'. Surely it is better to be known as a good person than a bad one? I've tried for a while now to do more good. I went vegan because it aligned with my morals and values (no, I am not preaching). But do things that align with your beliefs. Honestly, since being less angry (I am more  of an angry person than a sad person), and more positive... more positive things have happened. Theres a reason 'bad guys' hang around in groups. (Using guys colloquially). You can't expect to be horrible to others, to make bitchy comments, to judge others but then get nothing but good come to you.

I have many more tips (I am a fountain of wisdom...) but as this post is already very long, I am going to save some for a future post. Until then, I hope you got some ideas on how to be more positive and happy and live a positive lifestyle.

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Lots of love,


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